24/7 Lifestyle Q and A with Mistress Star hosted on the discord channel
Mistress Star and her 24/7 lifestyle slave answered questions about their relationship, their history and how their lifestyle works for them. The session sated over 2 hours with lots of questions set for them, a summary of their responses is shown below.
Question - Firstly there were a set a questions about their past, before they met and how they got into BDSM MS – All my previous relationships were essentially vanilla but I always knew something was missing. I tended to enter into relationships with people where my personality was naturally dominant but BDSM in itself was never a factor. In the few years before our relationship I did join Fetlife and start to learn about different kinks, some of them seemed very appealing. Where any form of kink did enter my relationships I was always very clear that submission was not for me, I have tried it in very mild ways but it simply holds no appeal for me. SL – I have been into BDSM for many years, I only had one other relationship which I would describe as 24/7 although in fairness even that relationship never had the consistency to really be 24/7. Most of my relationships had an element of BDSM in them but there was also a lot of frustration as the desired level of BDSM with most partners was not a match between the two of us. In the early years I was actually a Dom and a fairly harsh one at that, gradually I began to switch and then eventually I just wanted to be the submissive one even when I was being dominant. My personality is actually quite dominant but because of this there is far more challenge for me in being submissive. Question – What made you decide to take on either the submissive or dominant role in BDSM MS – As above, I have tried small acts of submission but they just do7 nothing for me other than annoy me and I can literally never see a time where that will not be the case, being a dominant female fits my personality, who I believe I am and also some of my feminist views SL – Having experienced both there is simply more challenge in submission for me and I think if you find yourself in a dominant position and just wanting to be the other person the message is fairly clear. I think being submissive also makes me a nicer person and I find not having to make decisions truly relaxing even when the decisions do not necessarily suit me. Question – How did you meet and what were the early days like MS – We met online through a friend, we discussed the lifestyle and as my slave had been a dominant before we agreed he would mentor me to some extent as I dominated him. Overall this worked well for us although it is truly confusing to be mentored by the person you are dominating, eventually I just needed to take full control and do what I wanted all of the time. We were also long distance in the early days so lots of long drives and online sessions. Back then we were more ritualistic because distance lends itself to that type of BDSM but I prefer to be more spontaneous now in my dominance. After a year or so and as the mentoring really was running its course we decided we wanted more and to be a lifestyle couple, about 6 years later here we are. Question – How did you evolve within your relationship to where you are now MS – It has been a long, sometimes frustrating and sometimes difficult journey. Once the mentoring stage of our relationship was finished it was suddenly all on me to run everything, looking back I think I tried to micro-manage my slave far too much and was too analytical in the way I approached things (a trait I have in everything I do). Over the years I have learnt to use expectations rather than rules in many places and to be spontaneous, with 24/7 there is a lot of time and you simply cannot plan every minute, you also have to dominate according to your own personality as you just cannot permanently roleplay, for me my expectations are things which really annoy me if they are not done now and so if that happens my reaction as a dominant is real. I also have worked hard to define in my own mind how I see my slave, their status in life (which is always lower than anyone else) and by having a clear view on this it literally impacts the way I treat and speak to my slave. SL- All I would add is that to do 24/7 it has to be just part of your natural personality, there is no point pretending you are going to shout at your submissive all day if that simply is not who you are, dominate from you own personality basically. From my own perspective I have let go of a lot of the safeguards I built into my relationships, I can see now I used to be a bit ‘yes you can dominate me and do awful things but only if x,y and z are in place, I now see I was basically making it impossible for certain things to happen. MS – Our contract is an interesting way to plot 7our evolution, it used to 5 pages long with all sorts of conditions and rules, as trust has grown its now down to a page and I have a lot more freedom within the relationship as a whole. We also only review the contract once a year now which means I don’t have to worry about imminent change or rush to achieve things. Question – How do you see your role MS – Simply it is who I am, I am happy being in charge, I am sadistic in many ways and I want my freedom, my role is just to be me and make sure my slave knows all about it from the expectations through to the physical and emotional hardships that may bring. I also have a role to care but in our dynamic in many ways that is shown by being harsh and consistent I also have a lot of freedom so I enjoy my life, my slave facilitates this and for that I am grateful to him and the relationship as a whole however I do know it is only by having him suffer within his role that this can be sustained SL – For me being a slave is an identity and a status in life, I don’t actually like it when vanilla life treats me as something higher than a slave. It is also a challenge for me, I have an ego and I have a personality which can be outgoing and loud, to have these crushed is what I asked for but there is a huge and sometimes very emotional challenge in that. In terms of my day to day role, I am here to serve, be obedient and be pushed ever closer to the status of a slave. Question – What are you most proud of and have you had failures? MS – I am pretty proud of getting the contract from 5 pages of hell down to a single page, it has liberated my dominance. In terms of failures, a few, I did once forget to untie this ankles from a chair and then pushed him making him fall flat on his face. SL – I am also proud of the contract, it represents me giving up just about all control which is essential. I am also proud that I finally found the single minded determination to find the right person and stick with her through thick and thin. Question – What do you think are the main differences you experienced as you moved into 24/7 MS – Time, there is lots of it in 24/7 and to make it seem real you need to be consistent in your role. I think also the BDSM becomes less sexual as it invades all of your life. As above, I have had to adapt the way I dominate and the way I think to make sure my dominance was just a reflection of my thoughts and beliefs, you simply cannot roleplay all day every day. SL – I am not sure I understood how much of 24/7 would not be the big thrilling bedroom moments but that said I now see my best submission as being the times where I am doing routine real life things in order to meet expectations, it is harder to do these and thus in some ways they are more important in 24/7 Question – How do you make real vanilla life fit with your 24/7 BDSM MS – We had to work a lot at this, we have groups of people who have no idea about our lifestyle that we do spend time with. If you looked closely you would notice my slave never raises a voice to me, in conversation he does not speak over me, if he touches me it is gentle, if I touch him there may be a little more force involved. Through these little gestures we both know the BDSM is there and that makes it real for us even in the most vanilla environments…….in addition no matter who is with us eventually they will leave and if my slave has displeased me they will certainly know all about it.Q and A